the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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