I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize