You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
