I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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