I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize