I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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