Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
