it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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