I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
im about as happy as oj after his trial
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
