he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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