i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
