moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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