i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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