I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
