Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Dignity is for republicans.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
