Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
