he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize