Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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