he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
