is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
