Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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