I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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