i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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