am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
