I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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