In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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