I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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