I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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