yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize