The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
