I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
