She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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