Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
