i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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