I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
