Don't you send me to vm
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
