I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
