Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I looked at my own cervix.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
