If i come over, it means nothing
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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