dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
