can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
