Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
