He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
