You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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