If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Randomize
