hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
