i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
