plz talk dirty to me
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
