he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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