Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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