Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
