I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize