never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize