hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
operation have a gay friend backfired
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
