Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
