I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
