I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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