Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
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