You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
