Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
