just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
