i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
